Wikipedia:Peer review/Avatar: The Last Airbender (season 1)/archive2

Avatar: The Last Airbender (season 1)

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A script has been used to generate a semi-automated review of the article for issues relating to grammar and house style; it can be found on the automated peer review page for August 2008.

This peer review discussion has been closed.
I've listed this article for peer review as a last review process before an attempted FLC nomination. Please, any and all comments are welcome.

Thanks, haha169 (talk) 20:34, 6 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Review by Guyinblack25

Since I don't have that much time today, I can't dissect all the prose—I skipped the episode summaries too. Here are the issue that stood out to me.

The lead

I would change this "It" to "The series" as I'm sure it was the series that was created by these people and not just this single season. The article is about season one, so in this case "it" would refers to season one. "ItThe series was created by Michael Dante DiMartino and Bryan Konietzko with..."

Done --haha169 (talk) 05:42, 14 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

This sentence seems redundant. I would remove it. "The season was completely animated and did not feature any live-action actors."
- Done --haha169 (talk) 05:42, 14 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
The plot is summarized twice in the lead; once at the end of the first paragraph, and then again at the end of the second.
- Not at the end of the second. Just a short half-a-sentence saying what happens to conclude the season. --haha169 (talk) 05:42, 14 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
I would wikilink the DVD regions here. They play in other places besides the ones listed, and it is extra information that doesn't really pertain to the subject. "The original releases were encoded in Region 1, a DVD type that usually plays only in American DVD players. A couple of months later, Nickelodeon released Region 2 DVDs, which can play in Europe."
- Done --haha169 (talk) 05:42, 14 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Production

This doesn't really sound professional/encyclopedic to me. I would reword it. "...who were hired since the former was co-creator Bryan Konietzko's roommate."
- Done How's it look like now? --haha169 (talk) 05:47, 14 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
Excess word "as"; not grammatically correct. "Zach Tyler Eisen and Mae Whitman voiced as the protagonists Aang and Katara, with..."
- Done --haha169 (talk) 05:47, 14 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
"About" is redundant here, just make it "Halfway". "~~About~~ halfway through the season..."
- Done --haha169 (talk) 05:47, 14 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Reception

This sentence borders on being a run on. I would split it up to improve readability. "According to Aaron Bynum from Milowerx Animation Studios..."
- Done --haha169 (talk) 05:50, 14 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Episodes

I don't know a lot about TV series manual of style, but should the episode names be in bold?
- ...They are. --haha169 (talk) 05:50, 14 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

DVD release

I would combine the two subsections together. Most of the information overlaps, and the two sections give undue weight to the different regions. The two tables can be combined to save space and compare region release dates.

Sorry for the half review. I hope it still helps. (Guyinblack25 ^talk 22:29, 12 August 2008 (UTC))[reply]

Thank you so much. I'll get to work on it immediately. :) --haha169 (talk) 05:38, 14 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Wow, these are very thorough suggestions. Thanks greatly - I would've never have caught them. --haha169 (talk) 05:47, 14 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Question by NuclearWarfare

Any other issues here, or can I close up this peer review and put it up for a FL candidacy? NuclearWarfare ^{contact me}_{My work} 18:22, 18 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]